Paula’s Story
Paula is a 59-year-old woman who started off life in foster care and then was adopted by her foster family. From the beginning of her life she started with a hole in her heart and needed heart surgery when she was 5 years old. She experienced early losses and was raised by a single mother with three other siblings. Paula married very young and it was a short marriage after that the young man was hit on his bike and passed away and she has been grieving him since. Paula’s marriage ended 10 years ago and she struggled so much with grief and loss and has had difficulty finding her way. The themes of grief and loss layer over Paula's life impacting her in a way of complex trauma and grief.
Paula also continued to have heart issues in her adult life and was not able to work after her divorce due to emotional distress. Paula helped her family members care for their loved ones as each one passed away over several years, but she did not look out for her own needs and now has struggled financially for a few years. Her heart is always in the right place for others in her life. I had met Paula years ago and interviewed her regarding her adoption story. Upon reconnecting with her she explained her struggles with grief and loss, had not completed her divorce and was scared to be alone and financially not able to care for herself. She explained her worries about her heart condition and the uncertainty of whether she could hold a full-time job. Paula also expressed complicated grief related to her adoption story and was able to enjoy a biological family reunion over the summer to gain some healing and answers.
Paula asked for guidance, someone to walk alongside her while she figures out what to do next to help reset her life.
My guidance was first to a legal consultation regarding decisions about her divorce and to affordable legal resources. Paula was scared to run up more bills and upset her ex-husband so she agreed to sign some documents and not accept any further support.
I encouraged Paula to see a doctor regarding her heart condition and see if she qualified for disability. Paula is a prideful person and she does not want to accept disability knowing there are many in the world struggling who need those resources. She wants to work but she needs a part-time job that will not stress her heart.
We spent many hours brainstorming different work opportunities and rewriting her resume so she was ready to apply for jobs. I saw her skills for life coaching and encouraged her to take a course so she could do that for money, but knowing that it would take time to build up individual clients she was worried that she was out of time. After a few months of procrastination, she decided to apply for a bus driver job and she got the job! Yeah!
Paula was also very concerned about getting in debt with her credit cards over the years since she had no income. After referring her to the bank manager and accountant for free financial assistance, Pamela has researched her options and decided she will file for bankruptcy so she can have a fresh start with the new job to move forward.
Paula feels very alone in daily life decisions and is appreciative of the emotional support and walking through these steps with her over time to guide her decisions and manage her anxiety so she can move forward even though she is feeling uncertain. Providing reassurance, breaking down each step into doable mini-steps has helped her continue to progress in making difficult decisions and moving herself forward.
Look at the progress Paula has made within 1 year of mentoring and coaching support. By setting tangible tasks into doable steps, she has managed her anxiety and accomplished tasks that are improving her life.
These are the challenges of many women trying to make it on their own with no guidance and no support.
